How To Overcome Overspending and Compulsive Money Behaviors
May 02, 2024Episode 40
Jay and Mink|Tha Godays
Strolling through Marshall's, I had an epiphany about the deep-seated emotions steering my spending habits; it was a wake-up call I knew I had to share.
Alongside my co-host and my bae, Jay Gaudet, we peel back the layers of emotional triggers and their complex role in our financial lives. We're not just talking about the struggle to resist a sale rack; we're delving into how past traumas can wreak havoc on our wallets and well-being, leading to a cycle of impulsive purchases and financial regret. This episode is a candid journey into the heart of our financial behaviors, examining the often-ignored link between childhood experiences and adult money management.
As we unpack the transformative power of financial therapy and the strategic insights of investment consulting, we shine a light on the pathway to a healthier financial future. Discover the hidden potential of government contracts as a tool for wealth creation, and grasp the importance of deliberate money management for life satisfaction. By the end of our discussion, you'll find yourself armed with the knowledge to tackle your own financial triggers and empowered to take control of your economic destiny. Join us for an enlightening exploration, where every listener becomes a part of our mission to navigate the complex terrain of personal finance with resilience and clarity.
Strolling through Marshall's, I had an epiphany about the deep-seated emotions steering my spending habits; it was a wake-up call I knew I had to share.
Alongside my co-host and my bae, Jay Gaudet, we peel back the layers of emotional triggers and their complex role in our financial lives. We're not just talking about the struggle to resist a sale rack; we're delving into how past traumas can wreak havoc on our wallets and well-being, leading to a cycle of impulsive purchases and financial regret. This episode is a candid journey into the heart of our financial behaviors, examining the often-ignored link between childhood experiences and adult money management.
As we unpack the transformative power of financial therapy and the strategic insights of investment consulting, we shine a light on the pathway to a healthier financial future. Discover the hidden potential of government contracts as a tool for wealth creation, and grasp the importance of deliberate money management for life satisfaction. By the end of our discussion, you'll find yourself armed with the knowledge to tackle your own financial triggers and empowered to take control of your economic destiny. Join us for an enlightening exploration, where every listener becomes a part of our mission to navigate the complex terrain of personal finance with resilience and clarity.
traumas will lead us down a road of destruction, oh for sure. If we do not deal with them, you cannot. You cannot build a house on saying you know, you cannot build a successful relationship, marriage, on a on a rocky foundation. You cannot build a solid financial life for yourself, you cannot build wealth for yourself if your habits are not intact, if you don't know why you spend money, the ways you spend money. If you don't know how, how are you triggered by money. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:
You got on your keys you got on your keys everything you want on top of everything you need. Just got on your keys. Nobody could take this. Built it from ground up and nobody could break this. I'm making real moves when I see it, I want it, I get it. Let's build an empire, baby. I know that you, with it, can't nobody stop this. They call it watch this. It's time to talk life balance, love and marriage all the trend topics.
Speaker 2:
No off days. Come up the hard way. Never no shortcuts. I took the long way. Gotta leave treasure for my kids, kids pleasure.
Speaker 1:
Every law's been a lesson and welcome back to on your keys podcast. I'm your host, ming, and we got my co-host right here jay gold day, aka mr on your keys, y'all what's good what's up. That's that's I said. What's good like what's up what that's?
Speaker 3:
that's good, what's?
Speaker 1:
up. What's up y'all? What? Yeah, you cute, I'm cute, no, okay, what's up y'all? But here's a real question that I want to ask because I dealt with this. Let me just say this okay, I think I told y'all about the story where, when I went to um, one of my little favorite little stores so my one of my little favorite little stores to go in is Marshall's because they have like all the skin care stuff there, right. So I went into Marshall's and I gave myself like a $20 limit, right. But this was the thing. I had a couple, something real, real big and I was like you know what.
Speaker 1:
I just want to treat myself, get myself. I know we all struggle with this right. When we are going through something you know well either, when we're going through something, emotionally, it's like buying ourselves something makes us feel good. You know that emotional trigger of like feeling good, so you're gonna go send money. So I did something, whatever, and I was like, hey, I'm gonna go give myself a little happy. It was a twenty dollar happy, but y'all anyway, saying all that to say, went into marshalls I think I bought like two um skincare things, but I only spent like eighteen dollars y'all. I waited for him to wake up and when he woke up and he called me, I was so excited to him and I only that I went into Marshalls and all this $18, but I still got the same feeling that I went in there for.
Speaker 1:
So I wanted to ask y'all how many of y'all have ever struggled with, you know, emotional, emotional spending or impulsive spinning, all right, you know, just whenever something happens where this bad or good you have something that triggers you to make you go spend money, you know, and I think that a lot of times we'll deal with those things and we won't even realize it, you know, we want to realize that, hey, this is something that's emotional, that I'm dealing with, that's triggering me to do whatever the thing is. You know, some of us go drink. Some of us, you know, uh, cry some of us. You know some people go do drugs.
Speaker 1:
You know, honestly, it happens, and so I think that it's just super, super important to start dealing with, especially as we're all I'm over the age of 30, jay's over the age of 30 we're navigating to a totally different part in our lives, a certain different place in our lives, and when you don't, when you don't um deal with those emotional triggers, especially when it comes to your spending, you'll find yourself 50, 60 years old in miles and miles of debt. You know, and now it's messing with your mental health, you know seriously.
Speaker 3:
And so, like I really want, I really wanted us to dive into this today, because it's something that we all struggle with and think about this no matter what, what your emotional trigger is, or that or that, that thing, it's still going to tie back to how you treat your finances, because it is it. Whatever it is that you, whatever it is that you do to get that dopamine feeling yeah dopamine, dopamine rush, it takes money.
Speaker 3:
If it's drugs that you're doing, you got to buy the drugs. If it's alcohol, you got to buy the alcohol. If it's shopping, you have to spend money on whatever that emotional trigger is tied to, and that's why we really coin it as a financial trigger. And usually those things are tied into something that we've dealt with over the course of our life or in our early childhood or adolescent years that money, money, could not buy us that thing. So, whatever that, whatever that trigger was, whatever that emotional thing that that you had to, that you were deprived of, and the result was it, but that the result of it was that you, if you had the money to, um, to purchase that thing, then that emotional trigger would have never happened.
Speaker 1:
Right and I think that, like one of the things that we learned, you know, um in in being, I think that you guys know this. You know, being certified in financial therapy is you have to deal with a lot of those childhood traumas. Our childhood shapes us in ways we a lot of times do not realize. Yeah, Like seriously, you know even emotionally, you know.
Speaker 1:
Just imagine like being in a relationship. You know you never received love or or or you weren't validated from your parents. You know you may go into that into your relationship and you may seek validation or maternal validation from your wife or a fatherly validation from your husband. But then imagine how that plays into the issues that you may have in your relationship Because your partner is not your mom or your dad. You see what I'm saying and sometimes it comes from what will will put those people on a pedestal or in those places in our lives where they don't belong, and we'll expect a husband or a wife to be what a mom or dad was to us when that's not there that's not their role, that's not what they, that's not what they're in our lives for, and I think a lot of times you know what we do is because we're just in a place in our lives where we're just operating.
Speaker 1:
Our traumas will lead us down the road of destruction, oh for sure, if we do not deal with them. You cannot. You cannot build a house on sand, you know. You cannot build a successful relationship, marriage, on a on a rocky foundation. You cannot build a solid financial life for yourself, you cannot build wealth for yourself if your habits are not intact, if you don't know why you spend money, the ways you spend money if you don't know
Speaker 1:
how? How are you triggered by money. You know what I'm saying, if you want, like gambling, right, people that gamble. Why are you gambling? What is triggering you to gamble? Especially the people that gamble and their wives or their husbands don't know about it, right, you see what I'm saying? And so, going back to checking in with who you really are, checking in with your traumas and then dealing with them, and then you might be saying, hey, how do I deal with my, with my traumas, how do I deal with those things? It literally goes back to understanding who you are, why you do what you do, and it and it starts from childhood, you know going okay, oh yeah, I'm sorry but you know that what she's saying is is correct.
Speaker 3:
You know I can remember when we first got together. You know we came from a two totally different type of household dynamic and I didn't know this. You know in my early 20s that my default setting was to spend money. But as I got older and had to go back and reflect and figure out like, why is it that I can go out and I can earn astronomical amounts of money, I had no problem earning money. Whatever I was doing, I could. Whatever I was doing, I was going to earn money, but I could not keep it when I earned it. When it came in, it went out. A lot of people can relate to that. Money came in, money went out. But that was because it was attached to a financial trigger from my childhood that when I got money I had to go find a place for it, not a place like an investment or something. I had to go find something to buy. That was going to make me feel a certain way but what if you did find a, find an investment?
Speaker 1:
what if you did it instead of, instead of again spending the money on a material thing to make you and your emotions, you know, feel a certain I don't want to say your emotions but to regulate your emotions? What if you put the money into investments?
Speaker 3:
because, at the end, of the day, you were putting it somewhere. You would have been glad to say that, because that's a, that's a, that's a great question and and I've, I've done that, as I did that as well. Yeah, what I? But did that in that time where that, that financial trigger and that financial trauma was not checked, it was not dealt with. So, guess what? I made investments, but when I profited from those investments, guess what I did?
Speaker 1:
Smith the money I blew the money Right.
Speaker 3:
So the money. So my habits wasn't tailored to where I profited from an investment and I reinvested those profits. So I put the money in something else that was going to continue to grow a portfolio. I thought I get the profit. I'm like, all right, well, I didn't make the bag. All right time to go buy some design. Time to go buy a car. Time to go on a trip. Time to go do this Because my foundation came from a household where it was imparted to me that when you, when you earn money or when you get money, you need to find something to do it, because you may not know, you don't get it again.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so it was, I was already.
Speaker 3:
I was already, um yeah, groomed from a, from a, from an environment or spirit of of lack. So when I get married to a woman, that's that comes from a household of saving, then guess what?
Speaker 1:
we our, our two financial personalities, are clashing yeah, I can remember, even like my mom and my dad, you know, you know, uh, deciding on, like how groceries were going to be high grocery in our home was going to be bought. You know meat, or or you know um like cabinetry items and things like that, like I can remember doing that, so even now, when I go to the, when I go to the store, I got into a place, and that's another thing too.
Speaker 1:
Guys, you we say this all the time your partner is your biggest investment, because they're going to impart on your life, regardless of how you think about it or not right, because coming positively, positively because then getting with jay, and then over the years, you know, mind you, we've been together over 10 plus years.
Speaker 1:
So now we've got together. I've totally gotten away from making a grocery list when I go to the store and now I'm just going to the store just picking up stuff. Because once you do, you know, have a certain type of money, then you feel like you need to go to the store five days a week. But what if you kept those same habits, but not a lack mindset, right, because you know when you don't have and you're, if you're getting ebt, you know there was a time that you know, we both got ebt, you know so getting to a point to where now you're going to the store now you're going to the store, whatever now
Speaker 1:
you're going to the store and you have a lack mindset. So now you're only penny pinching to buy things, but, but having the same mindset, you're going to the store and you have a lack mindset. So now you're only penny pinching to buy things, but having the same mindset. You're just not a lack, you're just only getting what you need. You see what I'm saying. So I think that whenever you're dealing with the traumas, I also think it's the way that we bucket and we tell ourselves certain things, that we make ourselves believe certain things. Because if you get to the point to where you're not, you're not saying, oh, I'm depriving myself, oh, I'm not, I'm not sacrificing, I need to do this because I need to do this now. Now you're, now you're believing a totally different thing and now you don't feel so deprived. I'm saving because I have to save, I need to save.
Speaker 1:
You see what I'm saying, because there may come a time where there may come a time where I need this money yeah, yeah, and it's really just like you said, changing. The stories that you tell yourself about money.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, changing the thought process.
Speaker 3:
So one of the things that I did for myself is I like cars, I like nice cars, and I told myself I want to get to a point to where I don't want to go to the bank and get a loan and buy a car. I want to go to my bank account and buy a car.
Speaker 1:
That's what I want to go to my bank account and buy a car. That's what I do, and I had people to do that, when I remember what I would chase, I would see you know, and it wouldn't be it wouldn't be us that were up in there.
Speaker 3:
You know you're looking at your finances and what you and what you and how you want the trajectory of your life to be. That's how you start to develop the foundation of my finances. That's how you start develop your emergency fund. That's how you decide what, how you want to structure your investments, how you want to put your kids through college.
Speaker 1:
I want to go on vacation, how you want to spend money for Christmas. Seriously, you know not to where. You're waiting a month before Christmas are two weeks before Christmas. Now you gotta use your rent check or you know your check to pay your household expenses.
Speaker 3:
Are Selling place to go on vacation you know, the part that's bad is we spend the money anyway. Right, we spend it. Like Christmas time coming, you're going to go get a loan to go get Christmas gifts. You're going to go get $2,000 to $5,000 to make sure you can get all the Christmas gifts that you want and pay that loan over the next year or so. Yeah, opposed to you to just save the money over that year and just took the money and went and bought the christmas and now you can still pay your, your household expenses.
Speaker 1:
Pay your rent you're not sacrificing or depriving yourself, which can put you in a worse position you know, because a lot of times, even if you, go get payday loans right. We never like things happen so much when you go I I can literally remember. You know people that I know and I remember one time I used the title on my car. On my car I had a little silver tracker, y'all.
Speaker 1:
And I had bought it with my tax money and it was like $1,000. And I remember my ex and I going on a mini vacation and me putting the title up on the tracker so that I could get the money Because, you know not, he was terrible.
Speaker 1:
So you know, I used to do a lot of those things in our marriage so that we can literally go on a vacation, you know. But then I couldn't go back to get him, to get me to pay, to help. You know, I said pay that loan. I guess it was a title loan. Yeah, I had to use money.
Speaker 1:
And if you already are strapping, for money you already, then it's like, imagine just the emotional mindset, the mental that it puts you in, like it's so, it's so taxing on your mental health. So, again, just doing the thing, doing the thing and re and this is another thing too. I'm just gonna hone in on this. You have to stop. Okay, this is the part you got to take out, okay, okay, but I really want to hone in on this guys, you have to be so mindful of the stories that you tell yourself about money, because the stories that you tell yourself about money is definitely what you're going to believe and how you're going to live your life. So if you really want to overcome financial trauma, if you really want to come overcome bad financial habits, first you got to check into what is the story that I've been told my whole entire life about money and how can I change that story yeah so this is on your keys podcast, this your host mink signing off.
Speaker 1:
Y'all be blessed and follow, subscribe. Oh yeah, you're going to say that you know. Leave us a five star review because it helps us Girl. Y'all send us to a friend, share this with a friend with a friend with a friend, with a family member, and look, let us know in the comments what are some things y'all want us to talk about.
Speaker 3:
Some things that y'all might want us to address. Again. Mink is a certified financial therapist. Certified financial therapist yes, I'm an investment consultant, so we have a plethora of knowledge. When it comes to those two things combined, we bridge the gap. We want people to understand how to build a successful financial lifestyle from the ground up.
Speaker 1:
Yes, from just even being in business. You guys know, we started business in 2015.
Speaker 1:
You know in the government contractor space still currently, you know, in that investment space with government contract the government buys everything. They have over a six trillion dollar spend limit. You know, and just being able to, when you do get these contracts, when you do, um, when you have access to these resources, being able to tap into them and leverage them so that you can build a lifestyle that you are proud of and that you actually want to live and all of those things tie into your financial habits, everything when it comes to your personal finances your business finances.
Speaker 1:
It ties into how you manage your money. So let's get to it. Yeah, follow us at on your keys on instagram and make some money on instagram. Leave us a five service that the health of girls and y'all be blessed for my kids, kids pleasure.
Speaker 2:
Every law has been a lesson and an unexpected blessing. Plenty see showing up small money growing up, accomplishing my goals, champagne bottle pouring up name on everything. I'm signing the' the dotted line. Money been workin' for me. I'm kickin' back on recline. I own it, just like the moment. Everything I became my hustle could take the blame To let her find my name. Gotta walk through the rain. Gotta go through the pain. You gotta soak up the game. Create your own lane, switch gears. Never change Level up and game. You can have everything, long as you do one thing. You just got on your keys. You just got on your keys. You got on your keys. Everything you got on your keys.